Finally, a Diagnosis

Sorry for the absence of posts the last few weeks. We have had so much going on that I really just needed some time to process everything and catch my brain up to my life. On May 18th, my sweet baby turned 8. Yes 8! I can't believe that she is growing up so fast. I am so happy that I get to be her mother and she brings much joy to our family. Jon has ported in Dubai and then Bahrain (and already left them too). He is enjoying his time in foreign ports and we miss him very much.

We did cognitive and academic testing for Amara last month. We finally got the test scores back from the doctor. So we officially have a diagnosis! Before I go into what the diagnosis is, I want to say a few things. One, if your opinion is negative in any way, keep it to yourself. I have had quite the week trying to process everything on top of all the other stress I have right now. I don't need your negativity on top of it. (this isn't directed at anybody in particular, but I feel I need to say it for my own sanity). Two, our decision to use medications to help our children are our decisions, not yours. I appreciate and welcome any critiques you may have if they are meant to help. But know that we are not planning on pulling our kids off all their medications. We feel that giving them medicine is helping them be the children that God intended them to be. Three, having this diagnosis does not mean my kids are crazy, insane, broken, cracked, a danger to anyone, messed up or any other term you might think of. It just means they need help. Okay, now that I've said my piece, here goes.

The diagnosis we got back (for Amara, this has nothing to do with Tayani) is that she has Bipolar Disorder, Adjustment Disorder w/ mixed emotional features, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD (mixed type), and Specific Learning Disabilities in processing, reading and math. We are currently in the process of changing her medications to better suit her and the diagnosis. So it has been a very very rough week for me. It's one thing to know in your head that something is wrong with your child, and its a whole different story to see on paper from a doctor that what you thought is correct. I have been taking time processing this information, dealing with Amara's difficulties during her medication change, along with the stress of having a very anxious 5yr old and a husband that is deployed overseas. I am not looking for pity. I am grateful that we have a wonderful team of doctors working with us to help her, that the military pays for almost all of our medical expenses (including the thousands of dollars a month in medications), and that we have friends here in VA that are taking care of us (especially me) during this time. God is faithful and will see us through this. She will never be "better", but she can be stable. And on that note, please don't ask me if Amara is "better". BD (bipolar disorder) isn't something that you get better from, you just become more stable, she will have this for the rest of her life.

Thank you all for the love and care you've shown our family. Words are never enough to cover our gratitude. But thank you anyways! If you truly want to be a help to us, please see the links below and educate yourselves on Bipolar Disorder. I am always willing to talk about whats going on in our lives and with Amara, but please do not expect me to be able to tell you whats happening in a passing moment at church or some other function. Thank you all!


In Love,
Mya

About Pediatric Bipolar Disorder

Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder

What to say and What not to say...

Finding Rest

This week we have been resting. And I LOVE it! We only have 1 doctor appointment this week and soccer practice tonight (if its not cancelled due to the weather). It has been wonderful so far. The kids have slept in late, played video games, read books, put together puzzles and just relaxed. This week was so needed. I have been getting the house cleaned for Amara's birthday party on Friday evening and spending some time resting in God's word, knitting, and playing with the kids.

It's easy to forget how much you need rest. Especially when you love the things you're involved in and the people you work with. But everyone needs a break. And this week is ours. We have been going non-stop for so long, I almost forgot HOW to relax. No joke, the first day or two I was jumping out of my skin because I didn't have anything "to do". But knowing that I don't have to be anywhere, that no one is expecting me to show up, or that I can just be lazy and sit around in my pj's all day is AMAZING! So I'm going to enjoy our down time, because I know it will be short lived, and relax at home, enjoy the rain, and drink a few cups of coffee while knitting something awesome (I just finished up a 14ft Doctor Who scarf for Jon and a pair of gloves for a friend).

God is awesome and knows what we need and when we need it. He has given me rest in the midst of storms. He has given me peace, in the middle of all our turmoil. He has given me hope, when I was feeling hopeless. He has provided for our every need, when we couldn't see where the money was going to come from. He has surrounded me with loving friends who take care of me while Jon is away by mowing our lawn, helping with dishes, providing meals, and helping me clean and do laundry. We are blessed beyond belief. It's easy to get stuck on whats wrong in your life and all the problems you have. But it's so much better to remember what God has given you to be thankful for and how He has blessed you. I have to be honest and tell you that I've had a hard time seeing the blessings in the middle of all our problems lately. But being able to rest this week, I've also been able to reflect on how God has taken care of us and provided for us at every step of the journey. I encourage all of you to take a step back, take a little time (an hour, a day, a week) to rest and reflect on God's promises and His blessings in your life.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." -James 1:2-3

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him." -James 1:5

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calalmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -Matthew 11:28-29

Be blessed!
-Mya

Secrets of a Navy Wife Pt.2

So this is one of those secrets that you never want to tell. It's not a fun secret like my last one, its more of a sad, this totally sucks kind of secret. And its not really a secret, but I feel like it is because its not something that anyone talks about. Let me cut to the chase, because honestly, after the week I've had, I just don't have the energy to put all that wonderful filler in that I usually do.

So today's secret is about communication. Okay, I know you're thinking, thats not a secret. Well, its not really, but it sort of is. When your husband is home and he doesn't communicate what's going on at work, or decisions that he's made without you, or how he's doing, you can get angry with him. And thats okay, because there's no reason, except poor communication, for not telling you about those things in his life or your family's lives. BUT, when you're a Navy husband, your wife can only be so angry. See, with the Army, Coast Guard, and even Air Force, communication has become a more important thing. Even men over in Iraq and Afghanistan talk to their spouses more than we get to talk (and many times they can even video chat). (I may be generalizing, so please don't get all up in my face because your husband in the Army hasn't been able to call you in months. This is just something I've noticed. I may be TOTALLY wrong in this matter.) So like I was saying, I can only be so angry with him. Our communication when he is on the ship is primarily email. Now, I get a LOT more emails now that he works in an office as opposed to the plant because now he has access to a computer on a regular basis. But even with regular email access (we can't video chat or skype or anything like that, their network won't support it) communication is tough! Sometimes emails I send don't get through right away. If their server is down for any reason, and my email gets "kicked back" it doesn't tell me it can't send it, instead it holds the email for a week or so and retry's it. This can be a problem. Because if the server comes back up the next day, he sends me an email about something and I don't know if he got the other email or what he is responding to or what! It can be frustrating to the point of absurd. So much so that sometimes, for sanity sake, we number our emails so we know what order we received them in.

The other downfall to this form of communication is tone. It's the same problem people have with texting. You can't READ sarcasm, anger, sadness, happiness or any feeling for that matter. If we're not careful about how we say things and stating things very obviously without any hidden meaning, then we can get confused and a whole fight breaks out thousands of miles apart in email form! Trust me, this has happened. And it's not pretty. It usually ends up with me frustrated and in tears here at home and him angry on the ship. Never good!

So what's the solution you ask? Well, there's no easy solution. When we get to talk on the phone (basically only when he is in port), we make the best of it and talk about everything we can and need to. No matter how much it costs us (the last phone bill was just over $300, yikes!). And when we are down to emails, we take precautions to make sure we are understood. First by making sure we reference things we are answering from previous emails, either by including text or just saying what we are answering. Second, we sometimes number very important emails so we know what order we received them in. Example is, when I send emails that are important, I number 1,2,3, etc so Jon knows what numbers he got (he may get 1 and 3, but never receive 2). Third, patience. This is the hardest part. If I get an upsetting email from Jon, I try to wait until I'm not angry anymore so that I can respond. This cuts down on miscommunications. If I answer while I'm angry and not thinking, something might get said that I didn't intend. So we wait patiently. Sometimes this means waiting days, or even a week+ to get a response to an email. Because no good comes from emailing him 4 times on the same subject to see if he got the email. It sucks!

My final thoughts on communication. It's hard. Trying to keep a long distance relationship together is hard enough without the added pressures of not being able to talk. Ask anyone who's ever had a long distance relationship and they'll tell you its very hard. I feel like men have a harder time of it than women, because men aren't as good at open communication (am I right wives?). But, it's always a work in progress. And communication is key when you are apart from your spouse because it keeps your marriage connected. Without communication, things fall apart. It's that simple. So we continue to work on it and find creative ways to make this long distance relationship work.

A Home

I realized today that I have yet to post pictures of our new house. So at the end of this post, you will find some pictures of our wonderful home. We are so blessed to be here. It's become very evident over the past few months how much we needed the space (the house itself is nearly twice the size of our apartment). The kids have been loving running around in the giant yard and even better, they have friends in the neighborhood. This is huge! They've always had friends, but to be able to have them over, almost anytime they want, is a whole new concept. One little girl in particular comes over almost every day to play with them. It brings back memories of when I was little and would go to my friends' houses to play. I've always wanted our house to be place where the kids felt safe to bring home their friends, and it finally is. Hopefully this will last into their teen years. ;) I am so grateful to have this home!

We've been running on empty this week. Well, the last few weeks for that matter. We've been overrun with appointments and it feels like there's no end. Dinners have been tossed together last minute because I just don't have the energy to prep the meal the day before or time to really cook a meal the day of. Lunches are almost always on the go, which means a lot of fast food and sandwiches. It's tiring. And I'm tired of eating like this. (ps, anyone who wants to bring us food will never be turned away! Lol). With summer approaching I'm hoping to make it to the farmers markets and start making some good homemade meals again. But we'll see what happens with appointments.

Amara had her cognitive and academic testing this week. We will find out the results in about 2 weeks. I'm not worried. I'm actually hopeful. I'm hopeful that these results will tell us either that there are other issues so we can address them, or that there are no other issues so we can properly address and diagnose BD. Its not a bad thing. It's a good thing. Meanwhile, I am trying to get ready for end of year school testing with Amara. I don't expect her to do well because she has had so many struggles this year. We still plan on homeschooling next year regardless of this years test scores. It just means we either need a diagnosis to get the school district off our backs, or we need to crack down harder next year and make sure she does well.

Well, thats all I have today. Enjoy the pictures!

Mya

Our New Home. :) (rental)

Left side lawn and garage

Living Room (coming into house theres a small entryway)

Living Room/Dining Room (other side)

Kitchen (walking in from Dining Room)

Kitchen (other side)

Back Room/Mud Room/Pantry/Laundry Room

Back yard

Pantry

Backyard /Deck (theres more on the other side of deck)

Bathroom

My Room (excuse the mess!)

Kid's Room from doorway (its small)

Kid's Room (from beds)