Secrets of a Navy Wife

So I've decided to do some installments on here called "Secrets of a Navy Wife". Basically these will be posts that go deeper into what its like  to be a Navy wife left back home with the kids. I'm note sure how often these will pop up, but trust me, they'll be worth the read. :)

There are some things that go on in any military wife's life that people on the outside can see. Things that they know, on the surface without having to think or be told, that she has to deal with. Being a single parent is one of them. Another is having to do the bills and handle all the finances while the husband is away. Some things that people don't think about are the fact that every home repair and all the yard work are now on her. But those aren't the type of things I want to talk about right now.

Right now I want to let you in on a secret that I haven't told many people. It's a secret of how I cope a little bit better with the fact that he's gone. It helps me sleep a little better. It makes my sad days a little less sad. It takes away some of that stress from the kids and the world. It comforts me. What's my secret? Well, when Jon is gone, I take his cologne, his favorite cologne that he wears every day after showering, and spray it on his pillow and on his sweatshirt (or mine). That way, when I lay down for bed at night (or a good cry), I smell him. When I'm feeling blue and toss on his big sweatshirt, I smell him.

Theres just something about smell. It holds memories and feelings like nothing else can. Maybe for you, the smell of apple pie makes you think of your Grandma, or the smell of orange blossoms, makes you think of wonderfully hot summer days. Massage therapists use aromatherapy (smells) to help you relax. Scent is a powerful tool. And thats how I make it a little bit better, a little bit easier, a little bit less cruddy. While I'm typing this, I'm wearing my new Enterprise sweatshirt thats been sprayed with Jon's cologne. Ever once in a while, I catch the scent and close my eyes, and I can almost picture Jon next to me on the couch. Its wonderful!




Another secret, is that a lot of times, it really annoys me when people ask how we're doing or how we are handling things with Jon being away. Now, please don't get me wrong. I know that most people ask because they truly care and want to know. But, sometimes people ask out of habit or because they feel like they have to. I HATE this. I've post things on Facebook and on this blog so I can avoid having to talk about things all the time. It hurts to have to re-live the same stories about how hard things are with Jon gone, or how he is having a hard time, over and over and over again. It hurts, almost to where I might cry, or can't talk, or breath. I know people mean well, but meaning well can hurt. While I'm on the subject, another secret is that Navy wives (or military wives in general) get lots of people who say things like "if you need anything call me", but when it comes down to it, they are just trying to be nice, but if you really need help, they can't or won't.

Again, don't get me wrong, meaning well is nice, and the thought of trying to help is nice. But sometimes, your "helping" can really be hurting. If you feel like I'm pointing the finger at you, then maybe you're guilty of doing these things. I know I've been guilty of "meaning well" and not following through. I know that I've been trying to change how I respond to those "meaning well" people (because I can be very bitter), and how I speak to other families who's spouse is away. It's hard. It takes a lot of conscious effort to not vacantly ask how someone is doing and then walk away and forget about what they said. Instead, I've been trying to ask questions like, "what are some things you need help with?" or "what can i pray about for you?" or "what can I do to help you?" and either write it down or schedule it there on the spot. I'm not saying I do this every time, but I'm working on it.

I hope you've enjoyed this first installment of "Secrets of a Navy Wife". Questions or comments are welcomed and if you have a specific topic you'd like me to address, please let me know.

<3 to ALL,
Mya