Letting Out A Little Crazy

One great thing I can do (well maybe it isn't great, it depends on who you are and how you look at it) is compartmentalize. I can usually keep all of my feelings under control and show what I want and deal with things when I'm ready. Well dealing with the move to Hawaii is one of those things that I've tucked away into a neat little box until I'm ready to handle it. And even then, I let it out in tiny pieces. The past two days have been nutty and today I'm dealing with a little bit of the move stuff, so I'm gonna let a little crazy out.

Thats what I do, store up all that crazy and then let it out in little spurts at random moments. yep. fun.

Yesterday my speaker on my iPhone called the quits. I can hear it when I use speaker phone or my headset, but besides that, its kaput. :( So now I get to be one of those annoying people who walk around in crowds talking at the top of their lungs on the speaker phone and annoying the tar out of anyone within ear shot. yeah! Oh and I can upgrade in November or pay $169 to get a refurbished phone now. But thats not all! I came home yesterday to a big hole in the pantry floor that my puppy put there! Yeah, you heard right. My dog ATE the floor. I don't mean she dug a hole in the floor, or tore apart part of the linoleum, she ate the linoleum, she ate the sub-floor and she pulled out insulation. She is really super sweet, but good gosh I'm ready for this puppy-tearing-everything-to-shreds stage to be over!

Today I was determined to have a better day. I got up ready to mow the forest my lawn has become and headed out to do that before it got too hot. Only to discover that the lawn mower STILL doesn't work right! 4 months and my lawn mower has yet to work right more than twice. Arrgghhh!! So I spent the morning on the phone with the insurance company about the floor, customer service about the lawn mower, and filing paperwork for our move to Hawaii. And because my phone's speaker doesn't work right, it was quite the challenge to get that much done. Oh yeah, and I did 4 loads of laundry and had a play date with some friends. :)

It really is a good thing I can compartmentalize like I do. Because if I didn't, I think I would really go crazy from all of this mess. I'm very grateful for my wonderful friends who come over and listen to me bellyache about my problems and help me with yard work even though I didn't ask. But in all the stress and mess, I'm at peace. God has a plan for our family. I know this because Satan is trying so hard to stop us and tear us down. I'm really excited for this transition in our life, even though its taking us away from loved ones. This journey is worth all the obstacles we're facing. You know you're doing something right, when everything is going wrong (or against you at least). So while I sit on my couch crying and silently freaking out over the hole in the floor, the move, and the thought of "what else could go wrong", I'm remembering that there is a plan, there always has been and that God is in control of it all. Feeling peace while you're crying and not necessarily feeling happy or sad. yep. I'm having a crazy moment!

Let the crazy out people! 

Love you guys..... ;)
Mya

The Shooting in Aurora, CO

It hasn't even been a week since the terrible shooting in Aurora, CO, and addressing this in a post is not something I would normally do, but I feel like its something I need to do. Since the shooting, I've seen and heard things from people, mainly friends on social media sites, that has made me angry and I feel like I need to address some of those things. I know that a lot of what I'm going to say may be controversial. While I do appreciate comments, thoughts, ideas, or corrections,  I'm not looking to have an all out battle here on the blog. Everyone has the right to their opinion, and this is simply my opinion.

First things first, I've heard/seen people make light of the situation. For instance, someone posted on Facebook "I want to go see Dark Knight, but I don't want to get shot". That's not funny. It never will be funny. What happened was a terrible thing that was not planned out on a large scale to assault several movie theaters many states away. By saying things like this, you are making the deaths of those people less important. I had someone say to me that maybe thats how that person deals with their emotions (by making jokes). Well I have this to say about that, I don't always deal well with things either, I occasionally make the bad joke at the worse possible time, BUT I always go back and apologize when I figure out how wrong I was. I also try to keep statements like that to a small group of friends who understands when I make mistakes like that. I don't go and post it all over social media sites. Be careful about what you say on social media sites!

Secondly, I've seen a lot of talk about either calling for stricter gun control or the other side which is calling for more people to become licensed to carry a weapon. My thoughts on this...well thats difficult. I appreciate gun control. I don't think that just anyone should be able to get a gun and I definitely don't think it should be easy to get a gun. I also think that people should be allowed to carry guns. BUT, I agree with one person's statement that if several people in the theatre had had guns, then when the police came in, it would have been hard for them to tell who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. I'm not saying that people shouldn't carry guns to protect themselves. I'm saying that not everyone should carry guns.

Third, and this is the one that gets asked every time something terrible happens, "Where was God?" or "Why would a good God, let bad things like this happen?". Well let me start with the fact that God is perfect and He knew what was going to happen before the world was made. This is a sinful world and there are many sinful people living in it. God has given everyone free will, and that means that when people make decisions to do things like this, because of their free will, God isn't going to stop it, but He did know this man was going to make this decision. Many times before, I've sat and tried to make sense of the senseless crimes that happen in our country and others. And what I've discovered, and really should have realized much sooner, is that you can't hold non-believers to the same standards that you hold believers. While the world may have good morals and rules that they follow, they aren't the same things that govern the believer. And thats where the difference lies. And this is something I have to remind myself of all the time. When divorce, cheating, fathers/husbands leaving their families, shootings, bombings, and all the other crazy stuff doesn't make sense, I have to remind myself that they aren't following the same rules. This may not make sense to others, but it makes sense to me.

What happened in Aurora was a terrible thing. I have family that lives there, friends who have lived there, and it rocked my world when I heard about this. I am very thankful that no one I know was there that night. But 12 people were killed that night and many others injured, and that just can't be ignored. I was in tears as I read about it on Friday morning, and just like that happened there, it could very well have happened, or could happen, anywhere. If you don't know where you would spend eternity, I would love to talk with you. I personally know where I will go when I die, and I hope you do too. Life is far too short to not think about eternal things. Please continue praying for the families who have lost loved ones and for those still in hospitals recovering. I leave you with this final thought. As you form your opinion on this man, if you are a believer, think about these verses:

"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" -Matthew 5:44-46

With Love,
Mya
-Praying for Aurora

The Cat's Out Of The Bag!

Okay, so I promised that I would share our BIG NEWS soon and I am. I've waited this long because I wanted to be 101% sure before I told the world, and I wanted to tell those closest to us first. After 10 years, the Navy in it's infinite wisdom has finally decided to move us. We have had times where we hated Virginia and everyone in it. We have had wonderful times with friends. We've had laughing and crying, we've shared our kid's births, birthdays, Christmas's, Easters, Thanksgivings, joys, sorrows, pain and heartache, and almost 1/3 of Jon and my lives, our children's entire lives, and basically our whole marriage here in Virginia. With all it's flaws, we have come to call Virginia "home".

We've seen so many friends come and go and made lasting relationships here. But that is all coming to a close. After years of trying to get a new duty assignment, we finally have one. In November (we detach from the Enterprise in November, but won't have an exact date for leaving until we book our flights), we will be moving to the BEAUTIFUL island of Hawaii!! To say that we are excited is an understatement. We are so excited and happy to be going to such a wonderful place and feel completely blessed that our 2nd duty station is somewhere so wonderful. But our joys are muddled with feelings of sadness. We will miss our friends here in Virginia dearly. We are very sad to be leaving those friends who are truly family to us and our church home. We MIGHT be here for Thanksgiving, but will be spending Christmas in Hawaii because Jon has to report no later than December 19.

This is a big move for anyone, but with it being our first "real" military move, it's especially big for us. Please keep us in your prayers. Pray for my sanity. Pray that I am able to complete all the arrangements for the move in a timely manner and without complications (because I will be the one planning the move since Jon is deployed basically until we move). Pray that God gives me strength to be there emotionally for the kids as they deal with leaving the only home they've ever known. Pray that the kids stay as excited as they are now. Pray that the move would be smooth and speedy. And please pray that we can settle into our new home in Hawaii, make friends, and find a good church home there.

When we came up for orders once again this year, knowing that the Enterprise was being decommissioned, I knew we would move. But I never dreamed it would be off of the continental United States, to a place totally surrounded by water, where my only way to reach my friends and family back on the "mainland" would be through Skype, phones, or Airplanes. Reality is still slowly setting in for me and I'm not afraid to say that I am having a hard time with it all. We ARE excited, and we KNOW how blessed we are to be going to such a wonderful place. But we are still sad to leave those we love and the life we have known up until now.

We love you all!
Mya, Jon, Amara, and Tayani

Road Trip - Ohio/Florida

Two weeks on the road visiting Ohio and Florida is enough to make us miss home! And boy did we miss home. Although we loved our trip and visiting with friends and family, we were ready to be back home with our puppy and our "family" here.

Ohio was a lot of fun. We had a rocky start with driving at night, in the rain, and Amara getting car sick. But we made it safely and apparently at a good time because while we were there, Florida was getting hit with storms. My friends wedding was beautiful and I really enjoyed spending time with her and her new husband. The kids enjoyed playing with their friend after so many years apart. I got to take their wedding pictures and it was so much fun! I love taking pictures and thoroughly enjoyed taking them for such a special occasion in her life. :) We also got to visit the Cincinnati Zoo while we were there. It was HUGE! We had fun seeing the animals and the kids even got to touch a real tortoise (that they were letting walk around the zoo freely).

After Ohio, we started our journey to Florida. It was a 16 hour drive, and we drove straight through. We made great time and were blessed with good weather and great traffic (aside from one incident in KY that got us stuck for an hour). Florida was amazing! I am a beach girl at heart and LOVE the warm weather (even Florida-warm).

We got to see both sides of the family and catch up with everyone. The kids got to really spend some time with their Aunts and Uncles and we also got to go to Legoland and do some fishing. :D Legoland was so much fun! It's definitely something everyone should do with their kids. The kids got to ride roller coasters (even Tay!). It was a great time seeing our family. Between fishing, Legoland, swimming, eating, playing, eating, and spending time together, we had a very full week there. But I am so thankful for the time we had and that we were able to see ALL of our family and not just some of them.

The journey home is always bittersweet. While we were ready to leave and be back in our own beds, it was sad to leave everyone, especially not knowing when we will be able to come back. The drive back was good, although it always feels way too long (especially when you're tired!). But we made it back safely and without any excitement. ;) The girls and I have been resting up from vacation and getting unpacked this past week.

I am so thankful to everyone who helped take care of things back here so that we could go on our long vacation. It was a wonderful blessing to be able to spend so much time with friends and family and be so stress free. I really needed the time to recharge and de-stress and I couldn't have done it without help. I know that everyone is looking for a post about the news I hinted at on Facebook. Well, I can't really share with everyone yet, but I appreciate all the prayers and thoughts. I hope to be able to share news very soon. But know this, that we are all in good health and safe. I will post some pictures from our vacation soon, but I haven't had time to upload them yet.

Love to all!
Mya

Trips and Rides

Wow what a crazy week it's been! I feel like I say that all the time, but this week was very true. On Sunday I went with Katie and Jenna to Ikea. We went to buy a houseful of furniture (mainly for Katie, but some for me) and we definitely succeeded. It was quite an adventure. It was my first time going to Ikea and we bought so much stuff! It really surprised me that after shopping for 6hrs, we were still able to load everything into the trailer and drive home (and I wasn't too sure everything was going to fit in the trailer either). It was so much fun to talk, shop and enjoy time together. But it was exhausting.

5 flat carts of furniture

3 shopping carts FULL of stuff

The rest of the week has been filled with either moving furniture to and from houses, helping Katie paint, putting together furniture that I bought, cleaning, laundry and getting ready for our vacation. Which I am SO excited for our vacation! The girls and I are going to Ohio for my friend's wedding. I get to take the pictures (yeah!) and we will stay a few days and do some fun stuff. Then we are off to Florida for some much needed family time with our extended families. The girls are looking forward to fishing, crabbing, Lego Land, and basically getting spoiled rotten by their grandparents. There is still so much to do before I leave though. I have to pack, finish cleaning and doing laundry, mow the lawn, clean out the pool, and I still have a few pieces of furniture to put together. Phew!


The girls have finished up with their soccer and loved every minute of it. We will definitely be playing soccer again in the fall. Until then, I think we may do gymnastics this summer. Last weekend we went to Busch Gardens with some friends and it was so much fun to relax and just enjoy ourselves. Tay was SUPER excited because this year she is FINALLY tall enough to ride the "baby rides" by herself! Yep, at almost 6yrs old, she is finally tall enough to ride things like the water dragon ride, the flying dragons, Elmo's Spire, Grover's roller coaster and the like by herself. She has waited YEARS to be able to do that and was absolutely ecstatic. She didn't stop smiling the entire time we were there. (you have to be 41"-42" to ride most of the kiddie rides without an adult, she is just now 41" and with shoes she is right at 42". There are 2 yr olds that are taller than she is!)

Well, off I go to finish up things around the house before our vacation! I hope everyone's summer is turning out to be as fantastic as ours. Pictures and updates from our vacation will be up soon, stay tuned.

Tay grinning ear to ear on the kiddie ride

the kids all riding Elmo's Spire w/o adults!

Love to all,
Mya

Randomness from the Break

I have been on a break from blogging the last few weeks due to some drama in our family. And then of course we were out of town at the Homeschool Convention. But now I'm back! So what's been happening the last few weeks? 

Well, we switched medicines with Amara. It was a rocky change, but now that she has been on the new medicine for a while, she is doing GREAT! And I mean, REALLY great. She started on Abilify and it has gotten her the closest to "normal" and stable that I think she has ever been. She is having new emotions that she has never experienced before (like pride in herself). She is able to focus and calm herself down. She hasn't had a melt down in quite a while and is even able to tell us when things are too overwhelming for her. I am thrilled at the potential here. 

Tay has been super anxious. She has had a hard time dealing with all of Amara's emotional mess and it has taken its toll. Being home has helped a little bit, but she really needs to be able to not worry and stress over every little thing. We are hoping that she will get some help seeing the psychiatrist and learn some coping techniques.

I've been sick. I've had a sinus infection for about 3 weeks and have been taking antibiotics and sudafed trying to kick this stupid thing out of me. I bought a meat and seafood share with a local farm. I'm really excited about this because I'm supporting local business and getting some awesome food! Mmmmm.....and it's SO good. Besides that I've been busy trying to pick my homeschool curriculum for next year, get things organized around the house, and keep up with everyday things like laundry and doctor appointments.

Jon has been busy qualifying for different watches on the ship (that will only mean a very little to most of you). This kind of stuff is a pain and takes time, its like having to take school classes and take tests. He is sick right now and trying to finish up his qualifications, so needless to say, but he is having a hard time.

I've been stressing over the dog. This wonderful puppy is so well trained, except for nipping at the kids! I'm trying to train it out of her and really hope I do, because if I can't get her to stop nipping then we will have to find her a new home. :( She really has been good except for that, but unfortunately the nipping is a deal breaker for me. Its only puppy nips, and she hasn't broken the skin, but she got Tay on the neck and left scratches there (at which point I almost killed the dog!). Poor puppy, its not her fault, but we gotta get her straight about that.

We bought a brand spanking new couch! This is the second piece of brand new furniture that we've EVER bought and I'm so excited! The homeschool convention was good. A lot less stressful than last year and I got most of the kids curriculum at a fraction of the price. I also got to take a wonderful friend who is starting homeschooling for the first time this fall and show her the ropes and just encourage her. It was a good time of fellowship and I'm glad we got to go.

Other than that its been pretty normal around here. The kids and I are excited to go on vacation and see our friends and family for a few weeks. A real vacation is just what we need right now, and then its back home to do summer school and have fun here with friends. Summer time is here and we are happy to be going to the beach, swimming in our little pool, going to Busch Gardens and Water Country and just general fun times. :) Hope everyone is ready for an amazing summer!

Love to all,

Mya

Secrets of a Navy Wife: Making Adjustments

Money sucks. I wish we didn't have to use money for anything. But unfortunately, we use it for EVERYTHING. And so we always have money problems. Like many military families, and non-military families for that matter, we live paycheck to paycheck. Which makes it hard if things pop up like unexpected medical bills or other expenses. It's not usually that big of a problem when Jon is home. We deal with it and find a way to make things happen. But remember how I told you about the communication problems? Well, that plays a role in the money problem.

You see, when Jon is gone, we have to change how we all live. Jon being gone cuts a little bit of expense out our bills. It cuts down on our grocery bill, gas bill, and "extras" bill (fast food and the like). But not much. But thats not the problem. The problem comes when Jon hits port. Everything overseas is more expensive (at least in the countries they visit). It's almost double what we pay here in the states. So when Jon hits port and asks for money (yes, I give him an allowance), that can be a problem. Because where I can spend 100 in a few weeks on various things, he can spend 300 on taxis, food, tours, etc (or more). So really, when Jon is gone, he can easily spend 2-3 times as much on regular stuff as he would if he were home. Thats where the problem is. And thats where major adjustments have to happen. It means making sacrifices here at home and not doing everything we want to do, so that we make sure Jon has money to do some of the things he wants to do. It means budgeting our groceries and only buying things that are absolutely necessary, so that he can buy some things that aren't as necessary. I'm going to be honest, it's not fun. Sometimes it really sucks.

Making financial adjustments aren't the only adjustments we have to make. Theres adjusting our lives too. And that goes for when he is gone and when he is home. When Jon is gone, we adjust to making extra time to buy stuff to send to him, write letters, make videos, write emails, and keep ourselves busy enough that we don't think about it too much (that part isn't hard considering how busy we are on a normal basis). When Jon gets home, its like making a conscious effort to include him in our lives. Its not that we don't want him to be a part of it. It's just that after 6 months, we've gotten used to doing things alone. So finding things to include him in, make time at home together, and small things like remembering to tell him when we have appointments, parties, and things to do  like errands, is really important. It sounds kind of odd I'm sure, but really its not. It's just something we have to do and we kind of get used to (the getting used to it part sucks, because I don't think anyone should have to get "used" to their spouse being gone).

Other adjustments we make are a little less obvious. Things like not ever going to a couples bible study for instance. Why? Because most of the time, whether home or not, Jon can't attend, which leaves ME alone in a couples bible study. Can you say.....Awkward.....Yep. It means taking the kids with me EVERYWHERE because there is no one home to keep them. And I mean everywhere...grocery store, doctor appointments, parties, movies, you name it. If I can't take them with me, it's either asking yet another favor from a friend to watch them, or paying a babysitter (and that gets expensive). I'm sure there are other things I'm forgetting, but let's face it, I won't be able to list everything anyways.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not meaning for any of this to sound like complaining. Although it does sound like it. All I'm trying to do is give everyone a little bit of insider information as to what life is like in a military family. I am grateful for the military and the way it has provided a steady job for Jon, healthcare for all of us, and consistent pay during the recession. But it does make things difficult. Thanks for checking out another "Secrets of a Navy Wife". I hope you are a little more educated, or at least a little bit entertained. :)

Love to all,
Mya

Finally, a Diagnosis

Sorry for the absence of posts the last few weeks. We have had so much going on that I really just needed some time to process everything and catch my brain up to my life. On May 18th, my sweet baby turned 8. Yes 8! I can't believe that she is growing up so fast. I am so happy that I get to be her mother and she brings much joy to our family. Jon has ported in Dubai and then Bahrain (and already left them too). He is enjoying his time in foreign ports and we miss him very much.

We did cognitive and academic testing for Amara last month. We finally got the test scores back from the doctor. So we officially have a diagnosis! Before I go into what the diagnosis is, I want to say a few things. One, if your opinion is negative in any way, keep it to yourself. I have had quite the week trying to process everything on top of all the other stress I have right now. I don't need your negativity on top of it. (this isn't directed at anybody in particular, but I feel I need to say it for my own sanity). Two, our decision to use medications to help our children are our decisions, not yours. I appreciate and welcome any critiques you may have if they are meant to help. But know that we are not planning on pulling our kids off all their medications. We feel that giving them medicine is helping them be the children that God intended them to be. Three, having this diagnosis does not mean my kids are crazy, insane, broken, cracked, a danger to anyone, messed up or any other term you might think of. It just means they need help. Okay, now that I've said my piece, here goes.

The diagnosis we got back (for Amara, this has nothing to do with Tayani) is that she has Bipolar Disorder, Adjustment Disorder w/ mixed emotional features, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD (mixed type), and Specific Learning Disabilities in processing, reading and math. We are currently in the process of changing her medications to better suit her and the diagnosis. So it has been a very very rough week for me. It's one thing to know in your head that something is wrong with your child, and its a whole different story to see on paper from a doctor that what you thought is correct. I have been taking time processing this information, dealing with Amara's difficulties during her medication change, along with the stress of having a very anxious 5yr old and a husband that is deployed overseas. I am not looking for pity. I am grateful that we have a wonderful team of doctors working with us to help her, that the military pays for almost all of our medical expenses (including the thousands of dollars a month in medications), and that we have friends here in VA that are taking care of us (especially me) during this time. God is faithful and will see us through this. She will never be "better", but she can be stable. And on that note, please don't ask me if Amara is "better". BD (bipolar disorder) isn't something that you get better from, you just become more stable, she will have this for the rest of her life.

Thank you all for the love and care you've shown our family. Words are never enough to cover our gratitude. But thank you anyways! If you truly want to be a help to us, please see the links below and educate yourselves on Bipolar Disorder. I am always willing to talk about whats going on in our lives and with Amara, but please do not expect me to be able to tell you whats happening in a passing moment at church or some other function. Thank you all!


In Love,
Mya

About Pediatric Bipolar Disorder

Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder

What to say and What not to say...

Finding Rest

This week we have been resting. And I LOVE it! We only have 1 doctor appointment this week and soccer practice tonight (if its not cancelled due to the weather). It has been wonderful so far. The kids have slept in late, played video games, read books, put together puzzles and just relaxed. This week was so needed. I have been getting the house cleaned for Amara's birthday party on Friday evening and spending some time resting in God's word, knitting, and playing with the kids.

It's easy to forget how much you need rest. Especially when you love the things you're involved in and the people you work with. But everyone needs a break. And this week is ours. We have been going non-stop for so long, I almost forgot HOW to relax. No joke, the first day or two I was jumping out of my skin because I didn't have anything "to do". But knowing that I don't have to be anywhere, that no one is expecting me to show up, or that I can just be lazy and sit around in my pj's all day is AMAZING! So I'm going to enjoy our down time, because I know it will be short lived, and relax at home, enjoy the rain, and drink a few cups of coffee while knitting something awesome (I just finished up a 14ft Doctor Who scarf for Jon and a pair of gloves for a friend).

God is awesome and knows what we need and when we need it. He has given me rest in the midst of storms. He has given me peace, in the middle of all our turmoil. He has given me hope, when I was feeling hopeless. He has provided for our every need, when we couldn't see where the money was going to come from. He has surrounded me with loving friends who take care of me while Jon is away by mowing our lawn, helping with dishes, providing meals, and helping me clean and do laundry. We are blessed beyond belief. It's easy to get stuck on whats wrong in your life and all the problems you have. But it's so much better to remember what God has given you to be thankful for and how He has blessed you. I have to be honest and tell you that I've had a hard time seeing the blessings in the middle of all our problems lately. But being able to rest this week, I've also been able to reflect on how God has taken care of us and provided for us at every step of the journey. I encourage all of you to take a step back, take a little time (an hour, a day, a week) to rest and reflect on God's promises and His blessings in your life.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." -James 1:2-3

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him." -James 1:5

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calalmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -Matthew 11:28-29

Be blessed!
-Mya

Secrets of a Navy Wife Pt.2

So this is one of those secrets that you never want to tell. It's not a fun secret like my last one, its more of a sad, this totally sucks kind of secret. And its not really a secret, but I feel like it is because its not something that anyone talks about. Let me cut to the chase, because honestly, after the week I've had, I just don't have the energy to put all that wonderful filler in that I usually do.

So today's secret is about communication. Okay, I know you're thinking, thats not a secret. Well, its not really, but it sort of is. When your husband is home and he doesn't communicate what's going on at work, or decisions that he's made without you, or how he's doing, you can get angry with him. And thats okay, because there's no reason, except poor communication, for not telling you about those things in his life or your family's lives. BUT, when you're a Navy husband, your wife can only be so angry. See, with the Army, Coast Guard, and even Air Force, communication has become a more important thing. Even men over in Iraq and Afghanistan talk to their spouses more than we get to talk (and many times they can even video chat). (I may be generalizing, so please don't get all up in my face because your husband in the Army hasn't been able to call you in months. This is just something I've noticed. I may be TOTALLY wrong in this matter.) So like I was saying, I can only be so angry with him. Our communication when he is on the ship is primarily email. Now, I get a LOT more emails now that he works in an office as opposed to the plant because now he has access to a computer on a regular basis. But even with regular email access (we can't video chat or skype or anything like that, their network won't support it) communication is tough! Sometimes emails I send don't get through right away. If their server is down for any reason, and my email gets "kicked back" it doesn't tell me it can't send it, instead it holds the email for a week or so and retry's it. This can be a problem. Because if the server comes back up the next day, he sends me an email about something and I don't know if he got the other email or what he is responding to or what! It can be frustrating to the point of absurd. So much so that sometimes, for sanity sake, we number our emails so we know what order we received them in.

The other downfall to this form of communication is tone. It's the same problem people have with texting. You can't READ sarcasm, anger, sadness, happiness or any feeling for that matter. If we're not careful about how we say things and stating things very obviously without any hidden meaning, then we can get confused and a whole fight breaks out thousands of miles apart in email form! Trust me, this has happened. And it's not pretty. It usually ends up with me frustrated and in tears here at home and him angry on the ship. Never good!

So what's the solution you ask? Well, there's no easy solution. When we get to talk on the phone (basically only when he is in port), we make the best of it and talk about everything we can and need to. No matter how much it costs us (the last phone bill was just over $300, yikes!). And when we are down to emails, we take precautions to make sure we are understood. First by making sure we reference things we are answering from previous emails, either by including text or just saying what we are answering. Second, we sometimes number very important emails so we know what order we received them in. Example is, when I send emails that are important, I number 1,2,3, etc so Jon knows what numbers he got (he may get 1 and 3, but never receive 2). Third, patience. This is the hardest part. If I get an upsetting email from Jon, I try to wait until I'm not angry anymore so that I can respond. This cuts down on miscommunications. If I answer while I'm angry and not thinking, something might get said that I didn't intend. So we wait patiently. Sometimes this means waiting days, or even a week+ to get a response to an email. Because no good comes from emailing him 4 times on the same subject to see if he got the email. It sucks!

My final thoughts on communication. It's hard. Trying to keep a long distance relationship together is hard enough without the added pressures of not being able to talk. Ask anyone who's ever had a long distance relationship and they'll tell you its very hard. I feel like men have a harder time of it than women, because men aren't as good at open communication (am I right wives?). But, it's always a work in progress. And communication is key when you are apart from your spouse because it keeps your marriage connected. Without communication, things fall apart. It's that simple. So we continue to work on it and find creative ways to make this long distance relationship work.