Break My Heart

There was something I missed in my blog yesterday. It definitely fits in with today's topic though. While we were at the store yesterday I saw Tay shove Matt. So of course, that meant I had to discipline her. Tay has always been our sensitive child. You can look at her wrong and bring her to tears, so it was no surprise to me when I started to scold her for pushing that she broke down into tears. What has been ripping at my heart is how she followed the tears with the phrase "You don't love me!". And she's not alone. Amara isn't innocent in this kind of speech either. They both know how to hurt me, and trust me it hurts (especially with Jon gone and not here to reassure me that what I did was right). It breaks my heart to hear those words from my babies. But what hurts worse is the thought that they might actually believe that I don't love them! I try to be very clear when we are punishing them for bad behavior that even though we are upset about their behavior, we still love them. Where did they get this?! And at only 4 and 6 years old?!

On the same topic, God has been breaking my heart. He has been putting people in my life to help me get through some tough times and also people that I need to help/support (which is tough for me because I'm really not a people person, no matter what anyone else thinks!). I've been seeing worshipping Him in a different way lately and He's been breaking my heart for His people to come to truly worship Him. I think that kinda makes sense...

Anyways, I got to have a LOT of fun last night just hanging out with some very good friends. I got to goof around and actually be myself (not that I'm fake normally, I'm just myself toned WAY DOWN because my personality can be a lot for people to handle...yea...thats what I'm going with). I got to see some of my best friends enjoying and loving worshipping together and was able to vent and laugh and joke with others and just have a time of healing for heart. It was fantastic! and my heart sooooo needed this release. :) Today has been a day of running around some more to appointments, but it's all the more enjoyable because of last night. Thanks to my best friend's Katie and Steve I get to go and do some stress relief tonight at Karate and the girls get to go spend time with their 2 favorite adults. :D I love my life, and I love my friends and wouldn't change it. Love ya'll!

Mya