cooking=FAIL

It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I'm really not a good cook. And yea, I know people say that all the time and it usually means they are mediocre and just can't cook fancy stuff. Well what I mean by not a good cook is NOT a good cook. I'm the type of person who can't make jello, canned tomato soup, or use a stove without burning, overcooking, or just outright ruining something. No, I'm not joking, you can ask Jon when he gets back and he will testify to the fact that he's SEEN me mess these things up. Usually Jon does the majority of the cooking in our house because of this fact. Easy is good for me. There are a handful of dishes I can make without ruining them. I said in a previous posting that I was doing some freezer meals. Well I am trying to anyways. My EPIC FAIL this week was pulling out some marinated pork cutlets and trying to pan fry them, but instead turning them into an inedible mess. :( Inedible is the nicest word I can think of to describe the catastrophe that happened on Wednesday.

Why do I go into telling you about my failures in cooking? Because theres more to it than me just ruining a meal. Add on years and years of ruining meals and you will get an idea of how I felt Wednesday night. I love my husband, and I love my kids, and no matter how hard I try and try and try, I can't seem to make a decent meal to feed them. Girls may get their "love banks" filled by guys bringing them flowers/presents and telling them they love them, but for most guys its actions that say "I love you" and one of those actions that speaks loudest is cooking. Jon knows I love him and I don't doubt that. But to be able to show him how much I love him, by having a good hot meal for dinner for him would be amazing to me. My kids know how bad my cooking is too. They will tell people "Mommy burns dinner," or "Mommy doesn't cook good food," and it hurts. They don't mean anything by it, but it still hurts that I can't give them a good, homemade meal. So after ruining dinner and crying over it for a lengthy time, Tay asks me why I'm crying. I tell her I'm upset because I messed up dinner and she says, "it's okay Mommy, we can go get Taco Bell,". Pain, hurt, failure, disappointment, shame, you name it and I felt it. I let my kids down. But enough about that.

Where do I go from here? I don't know. I have no talent to cook, so I'm just going to get by. I know I'm a good Mom and I raise my kids well. They will never go without a home, or food (even if it isn't made by me). I know that theres many things I'm good at. But letting go of not being able to cook is very hard. Every day I have to give my struggles up to God, and there are days when its a lot harder to do. But I know that God will provide for me and for my family, one way or another. I can do nothing on my own.

Oh, and don't worry, when I make meals for other people or take food to get togethers, I either buy something or make one of my 3 or 4 dishes that I can actually make. ;) Also, if you think it couldn't be worse, I've even blown up a stove top. ;D