Valentine's Day

So today is Valentine's Day. The day we're supposed to show the ones we love how much they mean to us. But why just today? I guess I've never really understood holidays. As a family, we don't really celebrate them. I mean sometimes we do special things, but its mainly for the kids. And of course we celebrate Christmas, but no where close to how others celebrate. Honestly, most of the time we're lucky if we remember that a holiday is coming up.



So what is it about holidays that make people go bonkers? It's a day, not really different than any other except that somewhere along the line, someone said "hey, we could make this a holiday and try and make it special to everyone". Back to my original question, why just today? Why should we only choose today to show our family and friends how much we love them? God doesn't promise us tomorrow. Why wait for one day a year to show your loved ones how much they really mean to you? If we, as Christians, treat every day as if it were our last, then we should show each other on a daily basis that we love each other. "And he said to him, ' You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' "(Matthew 22:37-39) I'm not saying its not fun to have a special day and make a bid deal out of everything. But I just don't get why, if you're showing each other your love all throughout the year, you would get upset on one day...ONE DAY, just because you didn't get a date night out, or flowers, or chocolates, or a card, or even be told Happy Valentine's Day. If you know that you are loved, then this stuff shouldn't matter (but it IS nice).

I've seen so many girls fall apart on V-Day for various reasons. Either not having a boyfriend/husband, for said bf/husband not giving them chocolates, dinner, flowers, card, etc, for said bf/husband giving them those things, but not giving them what they really wanted, or not getting jewelry, or not getting the RIGHT flowers, jewelry, or whatever. Why do girls tend to hinge their lives, their self worth, their value on a single day? We should find our love, our self worth, our value in the One who created us. "In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (1 John 4:10-11) So this Valentine's Day, try not to get yourself worked up over cards, gifts, flowers and things. Try and remember how much you are loved, not just by your friends and family, but by the Creator of the universe, by the One who loves like no one else can. Try to base your self worth, your value, your love and longing on God and how He loves, and reflect that love to those around you all throughout the year.











"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)




















"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:7-8)

I'm not okay

Sometimes I feel like I can't see past the fog that surrounds me and my own thoughts to be able to see God's plans for the future. Do you ever feel like that? I can't see past today sometimes because it takes all my energy just to face today.

Every year (at least it seems like every year, maybe every 6 months, every 2 years, I've really lost track) we go through a time of uncertainty. We are not promised tomorrow. That statement doesn't just ring true for our mortal lives, but also our military lives. We are not promised tomorrow at the same job, the same base, the same city, the same state, or even the same country. Many military members and their families go through this, but our situation is definitely unique. Most know that when their term is up, they are definitely moving, but just don't know where yet. We live in a state of limbo. When our term is up, we never know if we are moving, or staying or waiting a little longer to look at the options again. We never know WHEN the decision will be made for us to move or WHERE that move might be to, or even IF we are moving.

And yet, every year, whether moving or not, we go through the mental anguish of trying to pick which duty station would be the best choices and the mental preparations to leave everything we know behind if we get reassigned. We've done that now for 10 years, and this year is no different. I get asked all the time when and if we are moving. And the answer is always a long one, because I could give you at least 3 different options at any given time. But the short answer is always "we don't know". Well its that time of year again, the time we have to mentally prepare for any possibility, to choose which of our options would be the least undesirable.

A lot of people know what its like to move away from friends and family and have to tell people they love goodbye. I don't know how many people can say that they've gone over and over in their heads how to tell the people they love goodbye for 10 years running. Or how many people have looked at the laws in other states (that might be a possibility of moving to) and looked at houses, and prices and taxes just to know what the possibilities are. It's very easy to say that "God has it all under control and it will work out" or "just give it up to God and don't worry about it". But the truth is, even when you give your worries to God and know that He is in control and that no amount of worrying can change your situation, its still hard not to worry. And you still have to look into the possibilities and prepare the best you can for what might come. Otherwise you end up in Virginia with no money, no hotel, no place to stay/live and not knowing a soul! (oh wait... that already happened to us! lol)

So here are our options right now and what we are facing.
1. Stay on the E for decommissioning. Unsure what that entails, but we could stay here for another year while they gut it and then end up in Washington state for the rest of it, or stay here while they gut it and then get reassigned after that.
2. Transfer to another ship after the next deployment. We have done 10 years on sea time (you're only supposed to do 4-5 years before getting a shore command). This would mean we would stay here for a few more years, but also could mean that as soon as Jon gets back from deployment with the E, he could go right back out again on deployment with another ship.
3. Get a shore command. This is desirable, but also undesirable because it would almost definitely mean moving to another state. By what I know, there are like 2 shore positions in VA that are for Jon's job, and almost impossible to get. State options would probably be South Carolina, New York, or possibly somewhere near the Great Lakes (I've heard that theres a training facility there that might be an option, but not for sure).
4. Get a shore/sea command. This is a weird one. Hawaii is one of the options in this case. It is technically a shore command, but it would mean a lot of time on the water for Jon because its a fueling or supply stop for the Navy, so he would be in and out a lot. Another like this is Guam.
5. Overseas billet. Italy is the only one I know of (besides Japan, which the ship there is a Diesel which means its not what Jon works on). This is also SUPER hard to get because apparently Italy is very desirable.
6. The final decision is always the Navy's. It doesn't matter what we pick, the Navy will pick what it thinks is best for it, but "tries" to take our decisions into account. This is why we have been in mental anguish for 10 years and also why we've been stationed in VA for 10 years. A sure thing is never a sure thing with the military. Just because they SAY you are going to move somewhere, doesn't mean that they won't come back next month and say you're staying.



These are always very hard times on us. Am I okay? No. I'm never okay. I'm always one day closer to a life changing decision. I'm always on edge. I'm always confused. I'm always scared. But I always know that God is looking after us and that no matter what happens, He will care for us and comfort us. I'm not okay. Somedays I'm not even sure I'm stable. But God is constant, my comforter, my protector, my strong tower in times of uncertainty. I will put my trust in Him.

When I don't 'feel' like worship

Believe it or not, there are times when I don't feel like worshipping God. Everything we do is an act of worship to the King, or at least its supposed to be. But there are times when I've had a bad day and I don't feel like getting on stage and playing/singing or lifting praises to God.  I know how awful this probably sounds right now. Here is a worship leader saying that its a struggle some days to do what God has created us for, what she has been called to do. But the truth is that I'm a sinner just like you. And when I don't feel like worshipping, its usually because I've let my guard down and Satan has gotten into my head.

I know you're probably thinking "why is she telling us this?". Well the honest truth is, because its my blog and I can write about whatever I want. And right now I want to write about my struggles with this. But also I'm writing about it so that you can see that worship leaders aren't extraordinary. We face the same problems that everyone else does, maybe even more because we are "in the spotlight". Satan likes to take every weakness and use it against you, pride, envy, jealousy, even self pity.

Well, I have quite a few short-comings, but what got me this time was feeling inadequate and pride. I'm not that great of a musician. I'm okay, but I could be better. So when I get a difficult song, that I just can't seem to get, thats when Satan starts working on me. I start to feel lousy about my playing, about my practicing habits, about myself in general and basically beat myself up about every little thing. When I'm frustrated and down on myself and generally in a bad mood I can be very negative and just plain ugly. When I get like this I have to remind myself that even when I don't feel like worship it doesn't matter because its not about me, its about God. It's about giving Him the glory, even in the bad times, even when it feels like nothing good could happen.

In one of my studies this week I was reading an article/sermon ( "The Authentic Worshiper") by Jeff Deyo (Sonicflood). He had some great verses in there. But what hit me was a statement he made about worship. He said "One of God's favorite times for you to worship is when you don't feel like it." Wow! Because its SO true! God doesn't ask us to worship Him only when we "feel" like it. No, He demands our worship in all things. We are to worship him not only when things are good, and fun, and easy, but also when things are dark, and sad, and we feel defeated. It's easy for worship leaders to make it about the "show" and not be authentic in their worship. But you can ask any one of us and we will tell you, its not about the show. It's about being authentic in your worship, and sometimes that means worshipping through the pain, or sorrow you might be feeling.

So now you might be thinking how does pride play into all this? Well before all of this mess, I was struggling with my pride. Struggling with where I fit into things, why I wasn't doing some things I was so sure I was supposed to do. Well the easy answer to that is that I let my pride get in the way. And that started me on a downward spiral where Satan took my prideful nature and used it against me by turning my pride into self pity, into inadequacy. See how that works? If you're not careful, the little things are what will trip you up and make you fall.

But the best ways to stay out of Satan's traps is to stay in God's word, pray, pray, pray, have people in your life who you trust to keep you accountable, and to be honest with them about the things going on in your life so that they can call you out when you're being stupid. I continually have to lay myself down before God and say that I've messed up and give Him my pride and control over my circumstances (because I soooo wanna be in control!). And there will be good days and bad days. But its a choice I have to make to praise Him and worship Him in good times and bad times.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Job 2:10 "But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Should we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips."


Finally, my song for the week. It's very unlike me, but its good.

Secrets Mom's Never Tell...

So I was wracking my brain this week trying to think about what I was going to write about. I thought about it while I was cooking, cleaning and even in the shower. And then it hit me, while in the shower, what I was going to say. Why in the shower? Because while I was in there I was trying to think how I could make my shower longer so I didn't have to go out and face the 3 children fighting over a Wendy's toy in the next room. And that made me think. There's a LOT of things us mom's don't tell you "normal" people. So why not air our dirty laundry! So here's some things mom's never tell....

1. I take extra long showers so I don't have to face the kids for 5 more minutes. Why? Because when the water is running, the kids don't really come in the bathroom. Now, they DO come in to tell about someone getting hurt or so and so took something away from them, but its usually just once. :) Any other time I'm in the bathroom....forget it! It doesn't matter WHAT I'm doing in the bathroom. If the shower isn't running, they think mom is free to do WHATEVER, and I MEAN whatever!

2. We eat junk food secretly in the kitchen or our bedroom so the kids don't know! Because if the kids catch you eating a cookie, they want it too, and I'm not sharing my cookie, because some days, its all thats keeping me sane.

3. We throw away "art" projects and pretend that it was an accident. So many times I've gotten caught by the kids. They open the trash can to see their painting, drawing, cheerio necklace, fan, card, whatever sitting on the top and I pretend that it was a mistake that it ended up there. I love the things my kids make, but I simply CAN NOT keep every single knick knack. My house is already overflowing with stuff, so yes, I throw away their projects (not all of them, but most!).

4. Sometimes I count to 3 (or 5) so the kids will do what I've told them 5 times already to do without me having to discipline them. Yea, I know it'd be better for them if I followed through and made them do it the 1st time, or even the 2nd, but sometimes, I just don't want to be the bad guy. Can you blame me?!

5. When the kids ask why, why, why...even when I know the answer, I sometimes say "I don't know" just to make them stop asking. Because who doesn't get annoyed at answering why to the same question for the millionth time?

6. Yes, I've thought about taping my child's mouth shut and/or hanging them out the window. But I'd never do that of course! But sometimes its fun to think about. ;)

7. I've given my kids Benadryl to make them go to sleep. Yep, you heard right, I drug my kids....occasionally. I also give them bandaids for no apparent reason just so they will stop whining about the scrape or boo-boo they think they have.

8. If I have a day where I get to sleep in, and the kids wake up before me and come into the room, sometimes I pretend I don't hear them so they will go back to bed for another 1/2 hour.

9. I've "ignored" the kids on occasion so I can play Bejeweled Blitz or Angry Birds on my phone. Yes, I ignored them telling me "Look what I did" for the one hundredth time that day so I can play for 5 minutes.

10. I've used my kids as an excuse to not do things.

11. I've secretly hidden annoying toys from the kids. I've also said that there aren't any batteries for that toy, even when I know that we just bought a new pack. Some toys are just so annoying you can only take it for so long. Don't judge me, you'd do the same thing if you heard the Chicken Dance song a thousand times a day!

I know you may think some of those are awful, but sometimes its survival. I'm not a bad mom. Sometimes I'm just an over-worked, stressed out, need a break kind of mom and I do what I need to, within reason, to stay sane so I can spend another day loving and caring for my kids. And don't doubt for a second that I don't love them, because even with all the craziness, whining, screaming, fighting, questions, lack of sleep or time alone, I DO love those kids and would do anything for them.

<3 Mya

Time to spare...

If the past week is any indicator as to how the next 6+ months will go, then we're in for a LONG deployment. In the past I've had work, church, appointments, etc, etc to do to keep me busy and my mind off of things. This time around things are different. We're homeschooling. Which means we spend a LOT of time at HOME. I don't work anymore. We still go to church, but have cut back on a lot of our extracurricular activities. So again, we spend a LOT of time AT HOME. Which means I have a lot of time to spend missing Jon and not a lot of distractions. This is going to be very hard on me. I'm always under a lot of stress between the kids doctor appointments, behavior, homeschooling and medicine changes. I'm not used to being home this much either. I like getting out of my house. Unfortunately for me, the kids do well with having time at home. So I'm preparing myself to be stretched. But I also need distractions (things to stay busy). So I'm looking into some things to do.

God has done amazing things in the past for our family. And I know He has amazing things in store for us. But good things almost never come easy or without some pain (either waiting, change, whatever it may be that is "painful"). I know that I am never ready for whats ahead. I can never be prepared enough for anything that might happen. I also know that God is ALWAYS enough. He is ALWAYS prepared. And He is ALWAYS ready. God HAS to be enough, because nothing else is. I try to remind myself of that all throughout the day. And I will be trying even harder through the next month. Because over the next month (and possibly several months) we are cutting back on Amara's medicines. I'm not sure what is ahead of us. It might go great, it might go horribly wrong. I've had this song going through my mind though, and it has been reminding me how faithful God is. And its made extra special because its written by 2 of my best friends. ;) If I had any kind of recording, I'd share it. But there will be a recording in the future and I'll be sure to post it when its out. Not really a long post today, or anything that dramatic, but its whats been on my heart. 

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones...

Yesterday the girls both got eye exams for the first time. And wonder of all wonders, they both need glasses (like we needed more issues in our household! lol). :/ Turns out that Amara has a slight astigmatism and needs reading glasses, and Tay has a significant astigmatism and needs all the time glasses. They are both excited to be getting glasses and have picked out some cute frames too. Well, Tay is the only one who seems worried about what her friends will think. She's already an anxious/nervous kid anyways, so the thought of her friends laughing at her is bothering her.

I have been reassuring them both (and especially Tay) that their friends will LOVE their glasses and not laugh at them. But it definitely brought back memories of when I was Tay's age and was teased mercilessly. I know what you're thinking, why would anyone tease you Mya? You are cool and awesome! (sarcasm intended). At first it was because I was the only Asian kid (besides my brother) at our very white, private school. As I got older it was other things. Things like having been home-schooled so I was the freakishly smart, socially awkward kid in public school (homeschooling wasn't all that big where we lived). Or being the youngest in my classes (because I was a grade ahead), or because I was short, or, well, you name it! I got teased, picked on and beat up.

Remembering this stuff made me think about how mean kids can be. And how all those sayings that your parents told you growing up were such lies. Like "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" or "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger". It made me think about how much words really DO mean. And how much words can either build up or tear down. Words can hurt deep within your soul. They can leave emotional scars that you deal with for the rest of your life. Or words can encourage, show love and support. They can be a lasting memory of how much you are loved. With these thoughts floating around in my head, I started thinking about what kind of words I use. Not just with my friends, but with my family, and especially with my kids. Are my words helping or hindering? Am I using my words to build up and encourage my kids, husband, and friends, or am I using my words to cut and hurt? Well truth be told, a little of both. If you asked me a few years back, it would have been that 90% of the time my words were used to hurt people. But now, well, I definitely think a LOT more about the words coming out of my mouth. I am careful to choose my words wisely.

Matthew 12:35 - "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

Matthew 15:11 - "What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them."

Matthew 15:18-20 - "But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, ad these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts- murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person;"

Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

James 3:10 - "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

So here's some food for thought. Are your words building up and encouraging those around you, or are you tearing down those in your life and leaving emotional scars?

-Mya

Just the Beginning

So I know that I've been neglecting my blog for quite some time. And honestly I'm ok with it. It's not that I don't love blogging, it's that I've had a lot on my mind and a lot going on in my life. Well, it's the start of a new year, and I thought I'd start it off right by getting back to my blog. :)


Christmas was good. We got to have a nice quiet Christmas here at home with just us and the kids. It was very relaxing and peaceful. We enjoyed Christmas eve service and a Christmas day service at our church which put us in the right mindset to celebrate the birth of our Savior.  


Yesterday was the start of Jon getting ready for the next deployment. :( He left yesterday for a month out at sea in preparation for their 6 month + deployment that is coming up all too soon. In reality (and this always sounds really depressing that I'm used to this) 1 month is nothing for us. It will fly by. And we are used to him being gone, but I wish we weren't used to it. The hard one will be the 6month deployment coming up so soon after he gets back. But, such is the life of a Navy family. 

Yesterday was also the start of Living Out Loud (yes, very much like the name of my blog). It is a part of our Fusion/757: Worship for the 18+ crowd. We are separated guys and girls and the girls are diving into some studies/testimonials about things women face, like purity, submission, hospitality, etc and how they apply to us as godly women. Last night went fantastic and we had around 75 women there! I'm so excited to be helping with this and speaking to these ladies. The next 12 weeks are going to be amazing! If you want to see what we're about check out  Living Out Loud.


With the start of the new year, comes the start to soooo many new things. I'm working out again (even if it's just a little bit at home, at least it's something), we've started some new material in our homeschooling, and I've also started on a year long program of memory verses with my wonderful husband (check it out, it's call "fighter verses"). God has some amazing things in store for me and my family this year and I'm so thrilled to be on this journey. I hope that you continue to follow along with me as I share what God is doing in my life and the life of my family. With every blessing He gives me, there's always a new challenge. And when you are doing things for God you are open to attacks from the devil. I have a big year ahead of me and I'm ready for whatever the devil throws at me, and even more ready for all the things God has for me. Are you ready for what God has in store for you this year? 


 Be blessed this year!
<3 Mya




And check out this song. It's quickly become a new favorite of mine. :)

Never Once...

Never Once.

This is a song that has been resounding in my head for probably the entire year. It has become an anthem for me. The words are so simple, but hold so much truth. "Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God You are faithful."

We have definitely gone through the valley this year (and are still going through it). Sometimes when you're going through the valley, it seems so dark that it can be easy to think that God has left you. But even when we are faithless, God is always faithful and never leaves us alone. I've heard many times that when you're in the valley, its hard to see the light. And it made sense, but I'd never really experienced anything physical like this that helped me understand this concept until our visit to Colorado. When we were visiting the Royal Gorge, it was a beautiful, sunny day, with only a few clouds. But when we went down into the gorge (the valley), it wasn't sunny at all. In fact, it was kind of dark. It was damp and cold. It was such an eye opener to be able to experience that and be able to apply that my spiritual life. Just because you're going through tough times, it doesn't mean that the Son has gone away. It just means you have to try that much harder to see Him and to remember that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Over and over again, God has proven Himself faithful. Through my fears, stress, worries, anxiety...God has and is always there walking with me along the way. I know that this is a little different from my normal posts, but I hope that this will help you out when you go through your own struggles.

<3 to all!
--Mya

at the top of the Royal Gorge

in the valley of the Royal Gorge

In the valley of the Royal Gorge looking up. You can really tell in this pic how dark it was.

Homemade Fun

Thanksgiving was a great time to relax, spend time with friends and family, and get fat. ;) This week we are back to school and gearing up for Christmas. I love making things at home and enjoy sewing, crafting, photography and baking. So this year I thought I would see what kind of homemade Christmas gifts I could come up with. Well considering I have the internet at my fingertips, I thought I'd look to see what kind of free holiday craft ideas were out there. Here are some of the ones I will be trying out in the next few weeks. Some are things I am going to do by myself, others are things that the kids can help with. 

Try a few out and enjoy! I'll be posting my progress as the weeks go on.

<3 Mya

Printable Nativity for kids to color and put together

Homemade Scented Play Dough

Tutu Skirt

Photo Tile Coasters

Skip To My Lou's Hot/Cold Comfort Bags

Hand Towel Plastic Bag Holder

Muffin Tin Crayons

Flower Hair Clips

Felt Cookies

A Step In The Journey's Camera Strap cover Tutorial - So Cute!

Back to Life...Back to Reality

Today we are back into life full swing. We are starting back at schoolwork today, along with Dr. appointments, visiting with friends, and everything else. I was hoping that this past weekend was going to so incredibly easy, relaxing and smooth to prepare us for today. Well, I was wrong.

Saturday was a great day. We got to spend some time with one of my best friends and her soon to be little girls. It was a great time of fun and enjoying each others company. The kids were great and well behaved which made things super easy for me. Saturday afternoon we had some family time at home and ended the day by grilling out. That was how the whole weekend was supposed to go. Easy. Smooth. Stress Free.

Yeah right!!

Sunday came and like usual, Sunday is a whirlwind day for us. This particular Sunday was more so than most. I played the 2 morning services at church, and Jon was at work, so I had to take the kids super early to church. They did pretty well. But you know how sometimes it just takes one bad, off hand comment to ruin your whole morning? Well yeah, that happened. I'm not sure if it was something I was meant to hear, or if they didn't know I was there, but the comments made put me in a foul mood. It took me most of the morning to snap out of it, but by lunch time, I was feeling okay and ready for the rest of the day.

Now the problem with playing the morning services is that I only get about 2 hrs at home before I am back at church to get ready for the night service. Considering that this isn't an every week kind of thing, its not usually a huge deal. The kids were excited to go back to church, and that ALWAYS helps. So we get back to get my gear and something has grown legs and walked away. Cue foul mood. So I have no choice but to do without it for the time being. We head over and I set up what I can while the kids play. Tay has a wardrobe malfunction right before we start practice. Okay, no big deal. We deal with it and I'm back. Amara spills hot chocolate on the concrete floor. We clean it up. Amara walks outside the building and gets locked out, Tay finds her a little bit later. Then later, of course, they BOTH decide to go outside the building and get locked out! (the whole time I'm on stage assuming that they are in the building playing like they are supposed to be and can't see that they're locked out). So...I'd say its probably 15 minutes later that my friend finds them locked out. Tay is crying (and has been for a while). *sigh So now I have to discipline Amara for not obeying and calm Tay down before I take them to their classes. (are we having fun yet?!) I get a call that my belongings have grown legs and walked back (yeah! a highlight to my day!). When I pick up the kids Amara had thrown a chair and a fit, but was supposedly okay now. Yea, no. I get to her and she was throwing another fit. We calm down and go home, have dinner and go to bed.

Oh....but its not over yet!

2am Tay wakes me up and says she threw up in bed. Oh....the joy! So that was the end to our weekend.

Today is Monday. A day that I'm choosing to be a happy, joyous one. I know that this determination will get tested today. But after the weekend we had, it HAS to be a great day! I can't handle anything else!

Habakkuk 3:17-18
"Thought the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls-- Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvations."

My song for the week. Enjoy!
--Mya